You’re reading a story from Sidelines 100, a project showcasing a century of student storytelling at Middle Tennessee State University. Sidelines 100 plans to highlight 100 stories from the newspaper archives this fall and spring.
This story originally ran in the Jan. 25, 1980, edition of Sidelines. Subscribe to our newsletter to stay on top of all things Sidelines 100.
Okay. Just admit it. You think disco stinks. You always have, but just didn’t want anyone to know. It’s okay. It’s almost over now. You don’t have to get your medallion caught in your chest hairs anymore.
The signs are all evident with the “Star Spangled Banner,’ “Old Lang Syne,” and, God forbid, even the Mickey Mouse Club Anthem being set to the same monotonous drum beat. Can you imagine Disney stooping so low as to put out a song called “Macho, Macho Duck? My God, is nothing sacred anymore?
I know, I know. You’re even sick of hearing all the jokes about disco. That proves it’s on its last shoe. But what’s next? I mean, how do you follow an act like Scott and Jolinda’s “The Whip” or “The Slap?”
I suppose it all depends on what history-making events will be taking place in the world within the next year or so. In that case, the options are many. If the Russians keep their salty words and we’re not doing the “Atomic Radiation Blast,” I’m certain we’ll be doing the “Nerve Gas Flop.”
At least the songs won’t be as long and monotonous as disco. It’ll all be over in a matter of seconds. If you think that’s sick, what do you expect from a student who lives on a campus that held a Jim Jones Punch Party one year and an Embassy Party the next?
Actually, though, if we do make it without having to learn any Russian folk dances, we might have to revert to some old American favorites like the “Bread Line Shuffle.” It’s an easy dance that anyone can do, and you don’t even need any music. Just keep a steady beat with your feet and a pathetic look on your face, and everyone will be joining in.
Tiny Tim has already made millions on his song “Tip Toe to the Gas Pumps,” but what if we’re soon boogying to the tune of “Pedal to the Air Hose?”
That’s fine with me, though. I’d rather be dancing to that tune than “Over There” or “When Johnnie is Carried Home Again. “I just don’t think Americans are ready for the “Afghan Bustle.” It would be more like the “Quebec Rush.”
The biggest question for this year is whether we’ll be doing the “Kennedy Welfare Waddle”, the “Connally Oil Caper,” the “Baker Be-Bop,” the Brown version of Ronstadt’s “Back in the USSR,” the “Reagan Tremor,” the “Bush Burlesque,” or the “Carter Quiver.”
Whatever happened to the good ole days of Jazz? Or did they ever exist? Have Americans ever really just sat and enjoyed the music, hummed along and not bothered to dance? We’re an intelligent, ingenious, creative country. We can improvise.
We don’t have to do the “OPEC Dangle.” We can let the Iranians, the Afghans, and the Russians make fools of themselves on the dance floor while we whistle our own tunes. It seems like we would have learned after the “Korean Quake” and the “Vietnam Flounder” flopped. All I know is that if we’re not careful, disco will be replaced by The Blues.
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